My Best Laid Plans

For me, today is a somber day.  A day I trust God to pick up the pieces and begin the process of construction.  Hope for the construction of a new heart, a heart that beats for him.

I heard this phrase on a tv show recently.  It said, “The best laid plans of mice and men oft go awry”.

I thought I had it figured out.  I would just lay low; praying for the best, believing the best would come.  Give her time, and take time on my own.  But it got to the point of unbearable wondering.  Wondering if things could ever work again.  Wondering if God would reward me for my patience.  It was almost like my waiting was with alternative motives.  So I guess the phrase is true.  My best laid plans have come to this.

So now the second chapter in my life begins.  A chapter in which I have no knowledge of its beginning, its middle and certainly not its end.  I am broken.

2 Samuel 1:24

I’ve been reading through the story of David. From his beginning to his end, He’s had God’s plan as his driving force, living by the rule of a King of heavenly power.  After the death of his enemy Saul, he cries out to God in true sorrow.  He ripped his clothes in anguish.  I feel like ripping mine.  I don’t know how he did it.  In the deepest valley, David sought God, knowing that he would pull through and get him out.  I hope someway I can be like David.  Dancing in the poring rain, seeking the will of my Father.

My best laid plans have gone awry.  Now I trust in the Fathers plan, plans I know he has to give me peace and prosperity, but above all a plan to fall in love with him, knowing what its like to have all I need in the only relationship that really matters, a relationship with Him.  So I pray that God will shelter me now in the valley. I pray I seek him here.  I pray I praise him for the blessed relationship he gave me through Sara, I pray for her now too.

A love lost, but a better is love found.  I seriously don’t know how people can live without God.  I don’t think I would be living without the compassion and love he’s shown me over the last month.  I know I am nothing without him and I sincerely pray you find the same thing.  We’re a hopeless planet with out the Love of Christ. I haste the day of his return.

So may you seek him in the valley and know he is enough, more than enough.

November 28, 2009.  My Chapter 2  //

Home

This is my firs post from my eyephone, so ignore the inevitable spelling errors and nonsense words lol
I traveled home to Missouri today. I love the whole travel process honestly. I live 15 minutes from love feild in Dallas and the drive on the tollway is one of my favorite things to do. The airport was swarming with people tryin to get places for the holiday. Airports are always intersting. So many varietys of people, its like a giant box of lost and found stuff, nothing belongs there. Anyway, i slept most of the way and landed in a chilly 40 degree mid west winter. Somethings about Missouri i will never miss.

I always spend the first few minutes in the house scoping out whats changed, checkin out rooms, new furniture, new paint. Im like a dog getting used to a new owner. I love how a house can change but the people inside it remain the same for the most part. Dinner was still ready and on the table at 6, everyone ate together as soon as my dad got home. Some stuff about home i will always miss. I wouldnt trade anything for my family. My parents have always been the best example of a Christ centered life and i never really understood it untill i left and tried to make it on my own. In societys ever growing divorce centered culture, having a solid family is a major blessing. I cant imagine growing up being any better than it was for me. Sure my parents and i didnt always see eye to eye, but they somehow always knew what was best for me. I love my family.

I read about david again tonight. If i could be like anyone in the bible, my favor is slowly shifting toward Him.

“God forbid i should lay a finger on His anointed”
1 Samuel 26:10

I dont know how many times i’ve sought revenge on someone i’ve deemed my enemy. Its human nature. An eye for an eye. But somehow david saw his enemys as Gods people too. He chose not to take revenge when it would have been acceptable to take. He prayed for the people that hurt him the most. I cant help but feel challenged to begin to do the same. I can only imagine what the world might look like if we as Christians, instead of condeming those that disregaurded us, would begin to pray for their lives. To ask God to bless them and reveal himself to him in a real way. I think thats what God called us to do, to love our enemys as His children. I’ve never really taken the time to accept that challenge but i think its something that God would appreciate a great deal and in the long run would change
my jaded heart and bring my attitude closer to his.

I know this is difficult to do. Pride always gets in the way and we always justify revenge without thinking of how much more damage it can do. I pray we as Christians look to Davids example in seeing our enemys as one of Gods own. I pray next time someone does wrong by us, nomatter how severe, that we pray to see Gods love poured out in their lives. Ive got a few people i know i need to do this for and im sure you do too. So may we lay down our pride and see eachother through Christ eyes and begin to be like David, asking God to bless those who dont value our lives //

Courage

I don’t know what im doing writting at the moment, i’ve got to start packing for my trip home! Im such a procrastinator.  Its been a few months since i saw my family last.  For some reason its always a little different when you don’t see your family for extended periods of time.  I feel like i miss so much, all the little things that happen.  I call them all the time but the personal level that comes with human interaction is impossible to replace.  None the less, i’m excited to be home and take a break from the big city.

1 Samuel 17

I don’t know how many times i’ve heard or read the story of David and Goliath in 1 Samuel.  But as I recently went back through this timeless tale of bravery I tried to see things from a different angle.  It’s really a story of a life that has unbelievable faith in the strength of our God and how much he can help us if we take time to have a relationship with Him.  I’ve never been one to quit at any challenge, but there’s been times where i feel hopeless and the weight of anxiety becomes too much to bear.  I can’t help but notice how confident David was, walking off the pasture and into the battlefield.  A shepherd amongst battle hardened soldiers. I can’t imagine being a soldier in Sauls army, seeing this guy strolling into the kings tent and telling him he could take out the giant across the battlefield. You see, David knew that his faith in God would protect him anywhere he went.

“Whenever a lion or bear came and took a lamb from the flock, I’d go after it, knock it down and rescue the lamb”          1 Sam 17:34

David’s courage is something i envy and pray God can give me.  Im at a season in life of confusion.  I built my life on what i knew i could do on my own.  I never saw the storm coming and when it did, my foundation was rocked.  God is picking up the pieces but relying on him fully is often hard.  I’ve never known the phrase walk by faith and not by sight until now.

When david rejected the kings armor, he said “I can’t even move with all this stuff on me, I’m not used to it” (17:39) This floored me. What would my life look like if i was so used to relying on God’s protection that when human intervention tried to lend a hand, i rejected it because it made me uncomfortable.  I can’t imagine how rock solid Davids foundation was.  I can’t help but ask God to show me the courage David had, to ask God to give me strength in my battles.

I’ve been so focused on the waves crashing into me lately that i totally forgot there’s someone who’s walking on them, showing me where to go, guiding me through the choppy water.  Its difficult to seek God while you try to stay afloat, but I’m beginning to realize I can survive a lot longer if i do.  So next time you face impossible odds, remember David and his unwavering confidence in God’s ability to win his battles.  Take your eyes off the waves and look to the one who walks on them.  I know its easier said than done, but be consistent in prayer and supplication and God will reward your faithfulness.  May you find God in the storms and trust he will get you to calm water //

On my ipod right now : “All I Need Is You” Hillsong United- The I Heart Revolution

Keeping up with the Joneses

Monday’s off are a gift from God! My gracious boss was kind enough to grant us a Monday free of meetings to relax.  I spent my time sleeping till noon, running errands and doing some light packing for my trip home on Wednesday.  Then I went over to my boss’s house for dinner with his family.  I had a blast.  Chasing their two kids around, playing Nintendo Wii with Josiah and getting beat in both bowling and tennis. The Gould’s have been a huge support beam in my life, its weird to think of life without them somehow.  I lived with them for a few months when i first moved here. And time after time they’ve been here when I need someone.  I’m truly grateful God has blessed me with their friendship. They are a model family, I pray one day I can have one that even compares to the example they set.

I’m so intrigued by the story of Samuel. I used him as an illustration in my post yesterday and again today I was challenged by the way his heart was.  In the later years of his life, the Israelites wanted a King to rule their land.  Samuel knew a king would only be throwing a wrench in the machine, he knew they just wanted to be like everyone else, but the elders were persistent in their desire to be ruled by a King.  Samuel was upset and asked God what to do.  God let them have what they wanted but instructed Samuel to warn them what they were getting into.  I wish someone would do that for me everytime i tried to get something or do something just to be like everyone else.  You see, Israel wasn’t happy with being led by God alone.  They saw everyone else had a king and they thought they had to have it the way the rest of the world did.

I don’t know how many times i’ve been guilty of the same thing.  In materialistic fashion or otherwise, most people are trying to be like someone else.  But God commands us to live a life set apart, a life content with what He’s given us and a life that displays His love is all we need.  I recently got a tattoo with the phrase “Jesus You’re Everything I need”.  I love tattoo’s and i thought this would be a great reminder that He can be all I could ever want or imagine.

What would your life look like if you tusted God to be everything you NEED, regardless of how odd it may seem when compared to other peoples lives.  What if you don’t have the perfect car, the highest paying job or the 2.5 kids, a dog and a 2 story house with a yard?  Could you be content?

I’ve been seriously praying for God to be all I need these last few months.  He’s cleaned up so much of rotten foundation I tried to build my life upon and replaced it with His love and mercy.  I’ve begun to see that a live fully devoted to Him can be abundant in joy and peace.  The life i lead now is so much less stressful.  I spend so much less time worrying about trivial things because God’s shown me that He is enough. I pray that as Christians we stop trying to keep up with the Joneses. I pray we find all we need in Him, that we can begin to realize He’s called us to be like Him, not like the rest of the world. My life has changed since I started putting Him first and I pray you can do the same thing.  May you know that He is all we could ever need //

A Still Small Voice

First let me say im really pumped on how many people are bothering to look at my blog. Its encouraging to know that what i’m saying is getting heard somewhere.  I hope somehow it makes an impact on someone. So if your reading this i’d like to thank you!

Took me a while to sit down and write today, sundays are always my chill day. I spent the last 6 hours in the company of good friends, playin way too much xbox. Its amazing how sometimes you just need a little distraction to help you ease your mind.  Good friends are hard to come by but it seems like sense i moved here, I’ve found a lot more than i ever could have expected.  I’m slowly falling in love with Texas’ welcoming arms and in your face attitude, i gotta get out before i become a cowboy or somethin.

So onto the heart of the matter for today.  Most of the stuff i’ve been talkin about has come from my daily devotional notes or elaborated insight from my devotional itself The Message // Remix : Solo.  Its a great tool for fans of Eugene Peterson’s contemporary translation of the bible, The Message.

Its always cool when the devo hits a bulls eye with whatevers happening in your live, coincidence?, I think not.  I don’t know if you’ve heard the story of Samuel or not.  Samuel was considered a true prophet of God, his ability to tell people exactly what God was trying to say was a trademark of sorts.  But He wasn’t always that way.  In 1 Samuel 3, he keeps getting woken up by this voice calling his name.  The first couple times he ran to his mentor Eli, but each time, Eli was like, “it wasn’t me kid, go back to bed”  Then it dawned on Eli that it was God’s voice speaking to him.  So Eli tells Samuel, next time he hears the voice to answer ” Speak God, I am your servant, ready to listen.”

I’ve always heard people say that they “hear God speak to them”  I always find that hard to believe because i don’t think God speaks audibly to people anymore.  It even says in the beginning of that chapter that “at the time, the revelation of God was rarely heard or seen”.  I just think God’s majesty is way to heavy for us to comprehend, let alone hear.  But that doesn’t mean God doesn’t speak to us.  I’ve got a couple guys in my life that i know God uses to speak to me on a regular basis.

You see, sometimes we get wrapped up in waiting to Hear from God.  But even Samuel, a world renown prophet, had to have someone else tell him that God was trying to get his attention.  I just get skeptical when people talk about having audible revelations from God, I hope im not getting hung up on this because what i’m trying to say is we often look past whats right in front of us, screaming instructions, because its not the medium we expect God to communicate with us in.  God has used the least of these for generations to get his word across.  I think we all need to look for God in people that have been where we are, people who’ve been blessed with wisdom based on experience.  They can often be the people that God intends us to ask for the guidance he needs to convey to us.

I hope you don’t hear what i’m not saying.  I know God speaks to us, just not in the way we as humans talk to each other.  After all, His ways are not ours.  So may you look to each other in times of need, asking God to reveal what he’s trying to say through the people you know are there to help you along the way.  I know God answers prayers, just be consistent like Hannah, don’t give up.  In time, He’ll reveal his plan in the perfect way //

Blessed

Seeing as how I’ve spent the last 6 hours straight in front of a computer, i’m surprised i have the will power to write this post lol.  I’m trying to keep up with the film industry by learning a little about Motion GFX, i see more and more of these short video’s being used for promo’s and small spots on the net.  I think im learning the 2n’d best program but i don’t have access to After Effects at the moment so im using Motion 4 by apple, great program but i already know it doesn’t do everything AE does. if you wanna check out my latest project i’d love the critique. copy and paste this into your address bar  http://bit.ly/5a4ZHF

Anyway, enough of that, the theme of this post just happens to be about giving God credit when its due.  It kinda hit me as i was journaling about the day earlier.  I’ve always known that I’ve been severely blessed throughout my life but sometimes I get prideful or arrogant and forget where my blessing’s have come from.  I started to thank God for all he’s done for me and about 5 minutes in I realized i was gonna be praying for a while if i was gonna get to everything.  God’s done so much for me, He got me to Texas two years ago, put a roof over my head, managed to find me food just about everyday, helped me meet new people, many of which have become closer friends than i’ve ever known back home.  He brought a girl into my life that has changed me so much, and despite the recent ending of that relationship i can’t help but fall on my face and thank him from the depths of my soul for blessing me in it.  I took a lot for granted and its true when they say you never know what you’ve got till its gone but looking back, the last two years with Sara were so good.  And there’s no way i can ever begin to thank God for the Journey he’s taken me on with her.  Ups and downs, twist and turns, God was using all of it to get me here.  I honestly get choked up a little thinking about how much God’s done in my life.

I say all this to urge you to stop every once in a while, give God your whole undivided attention and thank him for what you do have.  Forget all the stuff you think you need and thank him for the small stuff, you car, your job, a meal every night. God’s done alot of stuff that you probably don’t even realize because your so busy thinking about what you don’t have.  I’m often guilty of just that so don’t think im up on my soap box blasting society for its ungratefulness, im just as much a sinner as the next guy. I just think we all need to truly thank the Creator for all he’s done.

I know with it being so close to Thanksgiving that this probably comes off cliche.  But it doesn’t have to be a government holiday for us to get together with friends and family and thank God for our lives.  Do it now. Stop and think about how far He’s gotten you in life, think how helpless you’d be without his help. I know i am nothing but because of his grace i am blessed beyond compare.  So may you find time in the midst of your day to thank Him for his shower of mercy, his love and impartiality to give.  Hes worthy of all our praise and I think its time we give it to him //

Fear

I asked some one recently why they chose to let fear rule the way they lived, why they couldn’t let go of the things that were holding them back. A harmless question i thought, until the revelation ocured to me that I’m the same way, I’m no different in the sense that fear is often what effects my life more than i think it does.

I got to hear Max Lucado preach tonight at Chase Oaks church.  I’ve been trying to go to church for myself more lately, working at a church can seriously desensitize you to the things that God does in one.  I’ve never read any of Max’s books, I didn’t even know he was a pastor in San Antonio, but some how I felt as if God were speaking into my life through the message Max preached.  He told the story of the storm on the Sea of Galilee from Mathew 8, a story short in size but vast in what you can learn from it.  It says that as the disciples were on the sea a great storm arose that caused the disciples great fear.  Early version of the account use the word seismos, a Greek root of seismology, the study of seismic activity or erathquakes as we call them.  The use of this word leads us to believe that it wasn’t just a storm, but the whole earth in fact was shaken.  The truly profound part is that this word is only used twice otherwise in the Gospel, once to describe the trembling of the earth at Christ death, and once again at his resurrection.  So the implication of fear is equal to that of the magnitude of the defeat of sin and the resurrection of our Savior according to the authors of Mathew.

This blew me away.  Its so true that fear takes total control over our lives.  The fear of rejection, failure, appearance, or in my case loneliness.  You see, fear comes from a lack of control.  As a human, lack of control means uncertainty and that doesn’t sit well with most of us.  I can’t help but examine my life right now and look at how rampant fear has run in it.  Im so worried about being alone that i begin to question Gods character, asking him “if he really cares, why would this happen to me”. God uses the storms of our lives to show us his true glory, but instead we often become forgetfull of all that he’s done already while were in the midst of a storm, a type of spiritual amnesia.  God knows we can’t survive on our own, without him we will always sink.  But when we choose to seek him in the pouring rain, he calms the raging seas and reveals himself to us in a beautiful way.

Max’s solution to fear was simple, Pray.  Convey with detail the things that your afraid of.  Get together with a few close friends and confide in them and ask them to pray with you until God calms your fears. Its so hard to admit that i live in fear.  Its hard to let go of fear as weird as that seems to say.  I pray that I can begin to let God ease my fears and that i will look to him in the seismos, because i know that he is more than capable of calming even the worst of weather.  As for you, may you look to God in the midst of fear, no matter how small or large.  Continue to pray with fervor just as Christ did in the garden at Getsimote.  May we all begin to live without fear.

A roof over my head

You always take things for granted until those things become threatened.  Take for instance my current living arrangement.  I’ve been wanting to move closer to work for the last year or so but for one reason or another i just haven’t been able to.  About a month or so ago my roommate and i looked at some decent apartments really close to where i want to be. Plans have been made, and all seemed to be well until he told me he didn’t know if he could be able to sustain himself on his own anymore.  I took the news in stride and quickly found a new place i saw myself living in.

But like the roaring ocean tide, stuff always changes in my life.  So now im caught between risking my own security to give a friend more time to work things out, or cutting my losses and fending for myself.  These decisions are never easy.  I guess all i can do is seek Gods wisdom and wait faithfully for his timing.

It seems like i’ve been doing that alot more lately, and man is it hard to let go and trust that your future is decided already.  As a human i find it increasingly difficult to tell myself that i have the smallest amount of control over my life.  But trusting in Gods plan will always be the right answer.  He has our best interest at heart in every matter, even the small stuff.  Its so comforting to know that the creator of our universe is standing at my side, his arm around my shoulder, guiding me through the storms of life.

” Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own.  Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track.”       // Proverbs 3:5

Im trying desperately to make this my prayer, giving full control to the one who holds the world in his hands.  I pray you begin to do the same thing.  Remember, don’t sweat the small stuff and look to God in everything you do.  All you gotta do is ask.

revamp

Bogging, who does this anymore.  With twitter consuming my soul lately i just don’t have any interest to do anything else.  However, i’ve started journaling lately and i figured i’d post a less intimate version of my journal here.

The past two months have been nothing short of a refinery.  By that i mean my life has been stripped away of its dross and the process of uncovering only the pure form of my life has begun.

The most profound relationship I’ve been in to date has ended.  I effectively am to blame for its destruction but i can’t help but feel that this isn’t the way things were ever meant to be.  But God has been moving in me in an enormous way.  He’s provided me with a sense of security and peace that i’ve never felt before.  I hate that as a struggling christian, I only seek God in the valley but hey, I’m not perfect.  I hate what i’ve been through but i’ve learned to look at things from alternative angles and have found the good in this storm.

that’s what I’ve been going through as of late in the smallest nut shell possible.  I think what i’d eventually like to do is post my thought on the devotional I’m going through as well as whimsical input on the blunders of society and my life.

Busy

I’ve said it once and i’ll say it again. everyone should work in a restauraunt once before they die.  For those of you who do or have worked in the industry, you know exactally what i mean.  Its in its own world as far as job categories go.  At any given moment there are 100,000 things going on at once. greeting, seating, taking drinks, making drinks, checking tables busing tables, cooking, cleaning, the list is infinite.  for those of you who have never been in the business of waiting tables, or never will, think twice the next time you complain about a wait or how long it takes for your food to come.

I say all this because i recently started my second job.  Im working at the memphis based bbq chain, Red, Hot and Blue.  Great food, loose atmosphere, and even cooler people to work with.  I was a little weary starting another job based on what i already have on my plate.  school, work at Grace and now another job.  Its gonna get crazy but its the only way right now.  So i’ve srtarted training and tonight i was in the kitchen.  something i’ve never done before, its called Expo.  Basically you prepare the food and make it look good before it hits the table.  The kitchen is a place not for the weak. Its a fast paced well oiled machine that stops for no one or no thing.  Seeing another side of a restauraunt just makes me appreciate it even more.  Its only been a couple days but im already starting to love it.  hopefully i can make it all work.  but as long as the checks big, im okay.